“To be, or not to be, that is the question …” . Without doubt, this is one of the most profound and recognizable quotes in literary history. The simple opening line of the soliloquy in William Shakespeare’s play, “Hamlet,” poses a paradoxical challenge to many fathers today, who seem to be asking themselves this same question about fatherhood. The answer, particularly as it relates to fathers and their sons, has far reaching implications and consequences.
Why so? I truly believe the father/son relationship transcends all other parent/child relationships because it has the power to shape the course of all mankind. However, it is one that has been undermined, negated and misrepresented in American society.
A recent Fathers.com poll disclosed that over half of Americans agree that most people have unresolved problems with their fathers, with a larger percentage of non-whites in agreement. According to the nonprofit National Fatherhood Initiative, an estimated 34 percent, or 24 million children, do not live with their biological fathers in the United States, of whom 66 percent are Black children. We are living in a “fatherless” generation, in which the parable of the “prodigal son” has become the tragedy of the “prodigal father.”
In American society, fatherhood has too frequently become a badge, rather than a principle; a burden, rather than a joy; and an obligation, rather than an opportunity. Young black males, who have grown up without positive models of manhood, are at a particular disadvantage because of the devastating legacy of slavery, racism, and generational poverty that have created the “absent father” syndrome. As a direct result of their “fatherless” backgrounds, far too many are not equipped to relate to or effectively rear children of their own. Thus, the systemic cycle of abandonment and discord is perpetuated to future generations. Further, many fathers who live with their sons have emotionally “broken” relationships.
Today, we rely on DNA testing to identify the biological father of a child. However, proof of true fatherhood is more than the matching of genetic DNA. The Community Council of Metropolitan Atlanta, Inc. (CCMA) asserts that a father, who possesses the real DNA traits — Devoted, Noble and Accountable to his child. This DNA is even more critical in addressing the father/son paradox, with its systemic inconsistencies and challenges. The real DNA requires developing and maintaining strong, positive and supportive parenting skills that will empower children to flourish and succeed.
How do we teach responsible fatherhood to “fatherless” males? To address this critical issue, the Council created the DNA Young Fatherhood Initiative and its Father-2-Son “Round-Up,” a free luncheon and forum, which will be held on Saturday in collaboration with Clark Atlanta University. The DNA Young Fatherhood Initiative is an ongoing life skills program for young Black males, 18-28, that includes classes, counseling, and interactive services.
The goal of the Father-2-Son “Round-Up” is to reach out to fathers and sons of all ages, to help them nurture their relationships and to empower them to develop the highest possible relationships with each other. Thus, the “Round-Up” acronym — “Reaching Out to Unite, Nurture, and Develop Ultimate Partnerships”— is manifested. It promises to be an empowering afternoon of male bonding, including the viewing of a fatherhood film, roundtable discussions, entertainment, lunch, the sharing of local fatherhood resources, and a keynote speech in celebration of fatherhood. Fathers and their teenage and adult sons are encouraged to attend.
Let us do more. As human beings, we have a communal responsibility to address the father/son paradox, individually and collectively in familial, religious, political, educational, business, social, and human service sectors. We must reach out to empower fathers to succeed in their roles, thus avoiding the inevitable consequences implied in the last line of Hamlet’s soliloquy, “Be all my sins remembered” …
