For 18 years, Rebecca Cheskes has taught Hebrew lessons and provided spiritual guidance to help many young people prepare for their bar and bat mitzvah.
But for years, the Roswell woman wondered whether it would even be possible for her daughter to celebrate this important Jewish milestone.
Dalia Cheskes, 13, has autism and is nonverbal. How could Dalia chant the Torah blessings if she can’t talk? Could she stay engaged and participate or might she become suddenly agitated and bolt from the sanctuary?
On a recent Monday morning, these concerns were put to rest when Dalia embraced her ceremony — designed just for her — at Congregation Beth Shalom in Dunwoody.
With the love and support of her family and friends, Dalia beamed as she demonstrated a bat mitzvah is very possible for a child with special needs, even for one who can’t communicate in a traditional way.
Her rabbi hopes Dalia’s bat mitzvah could serve as a template and even inspiration for other children with special needs here and across the country.
Months of careful planning — along with ideas tailored to Dalia’s unique set of needs — prepared Dalia, and gave her the tools to fully participate in her special day. First, Dalia’s mother figured out a way to incorporate the Torah blessings into Dalia’s portable speech-generating device, which is similar to an iPad. When Dalia pushed the buttons on her communication device, Dalia “chanted” the Torah blessings with the help of modern technology. The voice everyone heard, including Dalia, was familiar, and sweet — that of a family friend’s daughter, about the same age of Dalia (and prerecorded for the event).
When the congregation sang the morning prayers, Dalia tapped her communication device and, in her own way, she sang key words in English translated from Hebrew, and right on cue: heart, children, home, gates.
Dalia, a tall girl with a cute bob haircut, also used a poster-sized flip chart with illustrations made just for her. The posters included a brightly colored illustration of two children arm in arm, representing a prayer about fellowship.
And while her mom sang the Modeh Ani, a prayer giving thanks to God, Dalia followed along in a prayer book, her fingers gliding across the words.
Inside a packed sanctuary, family and friends, including Dalia’s younger brother Ilan, stood up to clap and dance. Many were moved to tears as Dalia experienced this Jewish rite of passage that marks boys’ and girls’ 13th birthday, the age considered the benchmark of religious maturity.
“It was so beautiful,” said Pamela Gottfried, a local rabbi and family friend, clutching Kleenex, her eyes still filled with tears after the ceremony. “Every step of the planning was intentional, so that it was appropriate and meaningful for Dalia while also being an authentically traditional Jewish service.”
Rabbi Mark Zimmerman said his synagogue takes pride in being inclusive and tailoring bar and bat mitzvah ceremonies to children with special needs, including several children with Down syndrome. Even so, he said Dalia’s ceremony was the first one for a child with autism who is “completely nonverbal.” For the event, he said Dalia’s communication device was connected to the synagogue’s sound system.
Cheskes held several practice runs to help ensure Dalia would be comfortable at her event. Cheskes went to great efforts to incorporate Dalia’s love for music and the written word into the ceremony. Dalia, who attends a special education program at a local middle school, enjoys listening to music every day; her favorite song is “Happy” by Pharrell Williams. She also has an affinity for words and often points to words like “family.”
“I have taught kids in a traditional way for many years,” Cheskes said. “And I asked myself how am I going to make sure my daughter is going to have something special? And then I started planning and I realized: She is going to have her service. It may be different than other kids’, but it is going to be her service. … I would love to help spread the message that our kids with autism are so capable, it just takes time and patience to help them succeed in their own way.”
