It’s been six years since the fourth movie in the amusement park ride-inspired “Pirates of the Caribbean,” that one subtitled “On Stranger Times,” sailed into local theaters. It was beginning to look like the Disney Studios had keelhauled the franchise leaving Johnny Depp to make such forgettable flops as “The Lone Ranger,” “The Rum Diary,” “Dark Shadows” and “Transcendence.” Out of respect for Depp, the film “Mordecai” will only be known as the movie whose name won’t be mentioned.
Some time opened up in Depp’s schedule and he’s slipped back into his raccoon-eyes makeup to return to the role of loveable lush Captain Jack Sparrow in “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.” Right off the bat there’s trouble because the franchise has been loaded with dead men who have been telling tales in the form of ghost pirates and this one is no different. So, the name is a little misleading.
And, that is the biggest clue to what goes wrong with this fifth adventure on the high seas. Jeff Nathanson’s script is as choppy as an ocean during a hurricane bouncing on waves of bad puns, cheap jokes, convoluted family matters and a sea myth that makes as much sense as taking a woodpecker on a canoe ride. Nathanson strains to create emotional moments and has the same number of problems giving Sparrow anything fresh to say.
This is a summer movie where the design is supposed to be 98 percent action, 1 percent writing and 1 percent trying to come up with ways to make the 3D version have enough moments to make the film worth the extra cost. Too much time was wasted on the writing and 3D ideas and that keep getting in the way of the movies fun moments.
No cheap laugh is ignored. When Carina Smyth (played with spunky vigor by Kaya Scodelario) tells the crew of pirates that she’s a horologist, they don’t appreciate her skill with watches but assumes she makes a living with the world’s oldest profession. Sadly, her energy is never channeled into enough good to give the film the strong female lead it needed. Also, the forced romance between her and Will Turner (Brenton Thwaites) never shows the kind of sparks Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley showed during their “Pirate” days.
“Dead Men” shows life when there are big action scenes. If 30 minutes of jumbled mythology and cheesy writing had been cut, the movie would have had an action beat as driving as the heart-pounding score by Geoff Zanelli, who carries on the work done in the previous films by Hans Zimmer. Instead, “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” mixes some fun moments with other scenes that leave the production high and dry. At least it’s not nearly as bad as the film whose name shall not be mentioned.
MOVIE REVIEW
“Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales”
Grade: C+
Starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush and Kaya Scodelario. Directors: Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg.
Rated PG-13 for action scenes, suggestive content. Check listings for theaters. 2 hours, 15 minutes.
Bottom line: Cheesy writing gets in the way of fun moments
