Dating Coach: Dating widowers, scammers and others

Dear Lisa,

I have dated several widowed men and they can't seem to let go of their late wives whether they were married for 40-plus years or 1 year. What are your thoughts on this?
Claudia

Hi Claudia,

When I was dating, I dated a couple of men who were widowed.

They're good guys to date because they don't usually carry the fear of failure that so many divorcees carry.

I remember one man I dated. I was his first date since his wife had passed. In the beginning, he spoke about her a lot and he'd use "we" referring to he and his late wife quite a bit in conversation. But over time, this lessened.

This is something we all have a tendency to do especially when we've been in a relationship for a long time.

You naturally still think of yourself as part of that "couple" at times.

If a widower had a good marriage and a lot of love in his marriage, he will think of his late wife especially on holidays, birthdays and the day his spouse passed.

This is normal. If you date a man who constantly talks about his late wife, gently share that it would feel nice to get to know more about him ... what he likes and what interests him.

Sometimes this is all it takes for him to switch gears.

Hi Lisa,

My male friend gets severe migraines. How do you show concern to a man without over giving?
Kimberly

Kimberly,

Great question. Ask a man how he's feeling or if he needs anything. Everyone loves to know someone cares.

If he says no he doesn't, which often men do because they don't want to appear weak, you'll want to honor his wishes.

As women, we try and fix everything so everyone is comfortable. When we do this, we can come off as a mother versus a friend or girlfriend. No man wants to date his mother.

Dear Lisa,

I will be going to a speed-dating event. I'm looking forward to this. I have tried online dating too, but I figure I should try speed dating as well. Do you have any suggestions or ideas as to what kind of questions I should ask the guy while I only have seven minutes to talk? Looking forward to hearing back from you soon.
Anna Mae

Anna Mae,

The best thing you can do is to be laid back about this process. Don't have expectations about anyone you see .... meaning don't place too much value on someone's looks.

Do set your intention for this event as one of having fun getting to know new and interesting men. If it goes somewhere, GREAT. If it doesn't, you've had a good time and learned something about everyone you met. Have fun!

Dear Lisa,

My boyfriend keeps on breaking up with me over and over again but then in an hour or so we start talking again which leads me to believe we are back together. I don't understand what is going on. Is there a way to make him stop breaking up with me over and over and make him stay?
Kay

Kay,

Emotionally healthy men don't play with your emotions this way.

He will want to make you feel loved, cherished and adored, and will do his best to make you feel safe and secure in the relationship

This man has you riding an emotional roller coaster. Take a moment to ask yourself why you want to stay with someone who keeps you guessing all the time.

If you decide you like this crazy ride, then you'll want to let him know how this makes you feel.

But remember, men don't change unless they want to. So either you love him how he is or it's time to let him go.

Dear Lisa,

I'm from Mexico. Recently I joined Ok Cupid. I thought I was an expert at identifying scammers. I met a guy who said he's in the U.S. Army. I talked with him only two days never imagining that he could be one of the bad guys. He asked me for my cellphone number and I'm a little worried because I gave it to him. Not sure if he can search me. I only gave him my first name. This is scary. Why is it so hard to find love?
Sakti

Sakti,

Never give your real number to someone you don't know. Instead, get a Google Voice number. It's free and can be redirected to your cell number.

The advantage of a Google number is that it isn't traceable to you.

If you are concerned he can harm you in some way or makes an attempt to do so, contact your local police department.

Also, contact the dating site where you met and report him.

You can find love again. It just takes knowing what to do, which includes getting clear on what you want in a man that goes beyond his looks.

Often times, women get scammed because the man who contacts them is drop dead gorgeous. And why shouldn't he be? He's probably stolen a model's picture and used it as his own.

A woman feels honored to have been chosen by someone who is so handsome looking.

This is exactly what the scammer is counting on because it makes it easier to hook you when you feel blessed to have been chosen by someone like him.

It's important to stay safe.

 Lisa Copeland, "The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!" Find out more at Findaqualityman.com

(c)2016 Lisa Copeland, findaqualityman.com.
Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

X