“American Idol” finally showed up in Birmingham, the city that gave us Bo Bice, Ruben Studdard and Taylor Hicks. And we know there’s got to be a few Atlantans who drove over there to represent.

I’m amused the producers still give the impression the huge crowds come the same day as Simon, Randy and Paula when in fact that’s not true. Of course, there’s plenty of talent and a lot less wackiness in da South. And being only an hour, it goes by relatively smoothly with many of the ousted contestants being oddly polite, saying “thank you” when given lousy assessments (i.e. Lakia Hill). That’s the South, bless our hearts!

Erica Skye provides us the first impression of Birmingham 2007 with “Unchained Melody,” Simon’s favorite song. Naturally, she’s terrible. “It’s like neverending torture,” Simon said. “You are an absolutely hopeless singer.” Paula even gets up and leaves the table because Erica won’t leave.

We know that “Idol” doesn’t always show the singers in any order so who knows at what point this is during the day.

Katie Bernard is the Orlando gal with the high-pitched talking voice though it’s not as high pitched as, say, Paris Bennett last year. She does a Tamyra Gray song, “A House is Not a Home” and is not bad. Randy says yes. Simon says no. So it’s up to Paula. Paula is standing up again. Unlike Seattle, where she seemed sedated, she’s hepped up today. Katie brings in her husband and Paula says yes. “She made my day,” Paula said.

We’re back from commercial break and here’s a loacl gal and another female teenager, 17-year-old Tatiana McConnico from Austell. She looks adorable. Can she sing? Yes, she can! Randy and Paula look charmed. “100% yes!” Randy said. “Might be the best voice I hear in Birmingham!” I may be talking to her soon!

Diana Walker is from Atlanta, too, but she doesn’t look quite as promising. She’s a little pitchy but entertaining. “I get standing ovations,” she said. “When they stand, do they exit real quickly?” Randy said. Wow. Isn’t that Simon’s line?

Bernard Williams of Pleasant Grove Al. gets a rare no from Paula, two yesses from Randy and Simon. “You have great tone but completely off key,” Paula said.

Then there’s Atlanta’s Margaret Fowler, who hopes to overwhelm the judges. Well, the gal in the bright yellow shirt does. She claims to be 26 but looks much, um, older and the producers even place a question mark next to her name. “I have no idea what this show is anymore,” Simon says. “You look like some Easter bunny nightmare experiment. You’re not 26. Your singing is atrocious. You won’t go to the next round. You might as well own up. How old are you?”

“33.”

“I’m going to ask again. How old are you?”

“I’m 50.”

Case closed.

Now enters Jamie Lynn Ward of Reidsville, N.C., this year’s Kellie Pickler. She’s cute with a passable voice but a stop-in-your-tracks back story. “I live with my grandma and my daddy’s paralyzed,” she said. “My stepmom cheated on him so he shot her, then shot himself.” Paula gives a nuanced take on her voice (cut the nasal) and Simon and Randy look shocked because they all agree. She’s in!

The judges are in a good mood and they have good reason. Next is Jack Osborne. Oh, no, it’s actually Chris Sligh of Greenville, S.C., who says people think he’s Osborne. “I really want to make David Hasselhoff cry,” he said, referencing to the “Baywatch” star getting teary after Taylor won last year. His “Kiss From a Rose” is surprisingly good. “I like you very much,” Paula said. “You have a good sense of humor and you’re different.” He’s in, too.

It’s now day two. Victoria Watson of Gainesville, Fla. shall be known as the gal with the six-foot-long hair. She even brought in her mom with equally long hair. The two male judges (Paula had a “family obligation”) said no to her rather stiff presentation of a Josh Groban song.

Team Nichole (that’s her and her family y’all!) is part of the final portion of this hour’s audtiions. Nichole Gatzman of Muskogee, Okl. does a version of Bonnie Raitt’s “Something to Talk About.” that I thought was better than Pickler II’s audition despite her nasal problems. “You have a lot more work to do,” Randy said. Oh, well. I liked her.

Mouthy Brandy Patterson brings back “Like a Virgin.” She’s not nearly as bad as Keith Beukelaer from season two (remember him?) but they clearly have her on air for her bizarre excuse for singing poorly. “It’s the floor,” she said. So she sings on the carpet. It’s no better, of course. “I take back everything I said,” Simon joked. “You’re hopeless on the floor, even worse on the carpet. It’s absolutely going to be never.”

Onward and upward to Los Angeles tonight!