Jeff Schultz

This AJC sports blogger takes things seriously when he has to, but he really would rather not

Weekend Predictions: Dept. of Bankruptcies says Georgia covers


Before we get to this week's noon kickoff (again) on the SEC Network (AGAIN?) -- expected byproducts of this Georgia season -- let me start with something far more important: my own personal misery and financial well-being. Weekend Predictions has been moved to public access television, tucked between, "Top Whittlers of Rabun County" and "Macon: Nobody Likes Us But We're At The Intersection Of Two Interstates So You Can Leave Quickly." (Oh look, I have new email.)

Last week was the worst week in the history of Weekend Predictions, or at least as far back as I choose to remember, getting swept on Georgia, Georgia Tech and Falcons' picks, going 0-7 in college picks against the point spread and 2-12 against the number on all investment tips. (I was 6-8 on straight up picks, but Las Vegas wasn't built on, "Give me the Death Star over Alderaan.")

I feel like I'm in that scene in "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" when they were playing blackjack and betting cigarettes as "dimes" but "Martini (Danny DeVito) tore his cigarette in half to bet a nickel and Randall P.  McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) responded, "That's not a nickle, Martini. That's ..." (Well, not a nickel.)

So now I will focus on merely trying to finish strong and hope to wind up in a bowl game not adjacent to a mobile home park, just like Georgia.

Mr. Moneybags said Auburn would cover against Georgia last week.

 

This week, the Bulldogs, fresh off last week's upset of Auburn, face Louisiana-Lafayette. It has been a difficult week in Louisiana with the news that the state's royal family, the Robertsons, announced they are ending their show, "Duck Dynasty," signaling either their decision to advance to the 21st century or that family patriarch Phil Robertson will soon be named to a cabinet position in the White House (hat tip: "Senator Blutarsky" on Twitter).

The Dogs nearly lost to an FCS opponent (Nicholls State). So we're past the assumption portion of the evening. But that's the way to bet. I think. Besides, Georgia is wearing black jerseys so what can POSSIBLY go wrong? Dogs win and cover 23.

I don't have much but I'll share what I have

School Daze

Virginia at Georgia Tech: Just when message board vultures were circling Paul Johnson again, Tech drop-kicked Virginia Tech as a two-touchdown underdog. And Johnson laughed that evil laugh again. Now, for the lesser Virginians: Jackets cover 11½.

Paul Johnson is Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day": "I'm immortal."

Mississippi at Vanderbilt: Reset your watches in Oxford to Sacrificial Lamb Time. Mississippi placed assistant AD Barney Farrar on administrative leave, as the bodies start to pile up from impending NCAA probation. Huge Freeze is trying to stand clear of the mud splatter.  Rebels win but take Vandy and 10.

Arkansas at Mississippi State: If you had Mississippi State and 47 last week at Alabama, you lost. I had 30. Moving on. Other Dogs cover 1½.

To the victor in the SEC East goes ... what exactly?

Florida at LSU: The Gators probably need to win this to clinch the SEC East Division -- the participation trophy of major college football. Oops. Tigers win but take Florida and 13½.

Missouri at Tennessee: The Vols can win the right to be dismembered by Alabama if they win their last two games against Missouri and Vanderbilt(and Florida loses to LSU). There's an old saying: That light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. But: Tennessee covers 15.

Clemson at Wake Forest: Wake Forest coach Dave Clawson says a "security breach" allowed access to Wake's game plan against Louisville, tacitly suggesting that might have led to a 44-12 loss. Look, I have no doubt Bobby Petrino would sell whimpering puppies or relatives for secrets if he thought he could gain an edge. But China doesn't need to spy on Greenland. Clemson covers 22½.

Chattanooga at Alabama: We informed you Nick Saban had no idea it was election day, as, he said, "We're focused on other things here." Like, apparently, autocracies. So this got back to Coastal Carolina coach Joe Moglia, who bused his players to a polling station and said of Saban's comments, "To pick the leader of the free world was the most important thing going on in the world that day, and to not realize that and not to be aware of that frankly is disrespectful to his team, to his school, to his state, to the country." I would run through a border wall for that man. Commies win but give me Chattanooga and 48½.

Miami at N.C. State: How many bowl officials right now are thumb-wrestling over a Mark Richt-Kirby Smart match-up? Canes cover 3.

Georgia Southern at Georgia State: This is the game Trent Miles won last year to get the Panthers to a bowl game. So much for happy anniversaries. Take the 2½ and Panthers in a mild upset.

Sack Schultz update

sack-schultz-logo

I've been left in the dust. But "JayLa" of Idaho leads the national standings (Apple Vacation) with 121 wins and "J145adeb76" of Georgia is in the lead for the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl tickets with 120 wins. Others can still pull it out with only two weeks left. To win weekly prizes, go to  myajc.com/go/sackschultz2016

NFL Six Pack

Eagles at Seahawks: Seattle's Richard Sherman can't believe he was fined $9,000 for gooning Buffalo's kicker two weeks ago. I can't believe it either. He should've been duct-taped to a lamp-post and made to absorb 9,000 place-kicks instead. Seahawks cover 6.

Packers at Redskins: Green Bay is 9-12 in its last 21 games and now Pro Football Talk, the "Magic 8 Ball" of rumor sites, reports the relationship between Aaron Rodgers and coach Mike McCarthy is "dangerously close to exploding." Is this sort of like how the Bill Walsh-Joe Montana relationship was dangerously close to exploding almost every day through four Super Bowls? Give me the Pack and the gift 2½ and straight up.

Bears at Giants: Theo Epstein needs to take over the Bears. Giants cover 7½.

Ravens at Cowboys: So now we know Tony Romo can give a great concession speech. I'm not sure that's on any quarterback's credentials in Canton. Dallas wins but take Baltimore and 7

Steelers at Browns: One more loss and Cleveland will drop to 0-11 for the first time in franchise history. Six more losses and they'll go 0-16 and I'm sure fans will find a way to blame Art Modell, because, duh. Pittsburgh covers 8.

Patriots at 49ers: Tom Brady (4-1) has lost more starts this year than Jimmy Garoppolo (2-0). Hack. Patriots cover 13.

Scorecard

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"The better the gambler, the worse the man." -- Publilius Syrus

Last week (cover your eyes): 6-8 straight up, 2-12 against the line.

Bottom dollars: 100-47-1 straight up, 69-76-3 against the line.

Lilly's pick: Lilly has been suspended for a week because of her six-week losing streak and has been frustrated by failed attempts to open the fridge for cheese, barking and making sounds that roughly translate to, "Damn't! No opposable thumbs!"

Lilly responds when told she has been suspended for a week.

Subscribe for free to the, “We Never Played The Game” podcast with Jeff Schultz and WSB's Zach Klein on iTunes. All episodes can be downloaded and heard on iTunes or here via WSBRadio.com. New episodes every Monday and Thursday.

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About the Author

Jeff Schultz is a general sports columnist and blogger who isn't afraid to share his opinion, which may not necessarily jibe with yours.