Jeff Schultz

This AJC sports blogger takes things seriously when he has to, but he really would rather not

Predictions' straight poop: Dogs win SEC East, Falcons lose


Before we get to this week's burning question, "How can a poopy team be in first place?" the Weekend Predictions research team has come across a story that may explain it all, and it involves several forms of semi-toxic waste, as well as dismissed APS officials, former Oakland Raiders coaches and the skeletons in Tim Lee's closet.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, we're talking poop. In a story straight out of, "Back to the Future," a "poo-powered bus" took to the streets of England this week. No, this is real, unlike my other research.

Just in case you thought I was making this up. (Wessex Water)

The GEN-eco Bio Bus runs on biomethane, which according to a story in Thursday's Guardian, is "generated through the treatment of sewage and food waste. It can travel up to 186 miles on one tank of gas, which takes the annual waste of around five people to produce."

And like you, I don't want to know how they came up with that math. But if it takes five Brits to run a bus, we can do it with four Americans! Why? Cause we're 'Merica!

Where was I? Oh yes, Neptune.

In the second strangest scientific development of the week, the Falcons are in first place in the NFC South despite a 4-6 record. They've accomplished this by going 4-0 against fellow division droppings but 0-6 against everybody else. Their next four opponents: Cleveland, Arizona, Green Bay, Pittsburgh. Combined record: 29-12.

Time to flush the season? Not yet, but close. Tough call but I'll stick with non-South trends: Take the Browns and 3 and in a straight-up mild upset in the Dome.

*** Thursday Night Special ***

North Carolina at Duke: Georgia Tech is off but if Duke loses, the Jackets will win the ACC Coastal, and not that this matters but do you realize that six of the seven schools in the ACC Coastal are not actually in, like, a coastal city? Even I know that and I stunk in geography. On a related note, this is the most I've ever written about a Duke-North Carolina football game. Sorry, Jackets: Duke covers 6.

Back To School

This week's reward for beating Auburn.

Milk-Bones at Georgia: If Todd Gurley wants to prop leg on a chair and set up an autograph kiosk at halftime, at this point it doesn't matter. Charleston Southern players might want to get a few signatures while they're here because they won't see any of the $450,000 the school is getting for this public sacrifice. Ready for a party, Athens? See next pick. Meanwhile, in the undercard: Dogs cover 42½.

Missouri at Tennessee: Somewhere in Birmingham, SEC commissioner Mike Slive is sticking pins in his Gary Pinkel voodoo doll. SEC street cred takes a hit if Missouri wins two more games and makes it to the conference championship games despite a loss to Indiana. It would be like watching the fall of the Roman Empire. No worries yet, Caesar. Celebration for Georgia: Team Tangerine rolls and covers 3½ and Dogs win the East.

OK, kids. Don't go crazy like this guy

Vanderbilt at Miss. State: Somebody checked out the rumor and it turns out Dan Mullen is not a candidate for the Florida job. So I guess he'll have to start a new rumor. MSU wins but take Vandy and 30.

Georgia State at Clemson: The Panthers signed to play Washington and Clemson this season in exchange for $1.6 million and a trough of diluted Goodys powder post-game. Question: Shouldn't a Georgia State administrator be forced to carry the ball at least once? Clemson covers 41.

That sound in the Georgia State athletics office

Miami at Virginia: After losing to Tech, Miami won three straight and had Florida State beat until the final three minutes. I'm sure there are a lot of really smart kids go to school in Coral Gables but none of them wrote the, "Fire Al Golden" signs at games. Canes cover 5½.

Boston College at Florida State of Enabling: As most of the nation and anybody whose moral fiber isn't the consistency of nougat yells, "Lose! Lose! Lose!" at the TV screen during every FSU game, here's two actual factuals for investors: B.C. is 4-0 on the road and FSU has won only three of its last 11 against the spread. Points. Yummy. Seminoles win but take the Eagles and 19½.

Mississippi at Arkansas: Nailed the Arkansas win over LSU last week. You're welcome. We now return to your normal programming. Rebels cover 3.

Louisville at Notre Dame: Brian Kelly was upset that nobody was giving Notre Dame enough credit. Then he loss to Northwestern. Boom goes the dynamite. Irish cover 3½.

Not Brian Kelly before Northwestern game

http://youtu.be/NmY7ttVNiWo?t=43s

NFL Snack Pack

The first volunteers show up to shovel snow.

Jets at Bills: You know there's a lot of snow in Buffalo when even people there say, "Wow, there's a lot of snow. Why the hell do we live here?" The Bills offered free tickets to those who would help shovel it at the stadium, but that plan didn't work because the tickets were to a Bills game.  So the game likely will take place Monday in another city. Anywhere it's played: Take the Jets and 4½ and straight up. (Update: The game has been rescheduled for Monday night in Detroit.)

Cardinals at Seahawks: Noted 2-year-old Marshawn Lynch stayed on the field at halftime last week rather than go to the locker room with his teammates. So finally the Seahawks and the media were at one. Seattle covers 6½.

Ravens at Saints: Ravens return to New Orleans for the first time since winning the Super Bowl.  The Saints also have been traveling back in time. They stink again. Take the Baltimore and 3½ but Saints win.

(Washington Team) at 49ers: Robert Griffin III threw teammates under the bus last week, so coach Jay Gruden threw Griffin under the bus, none of which changes the fact that Dan Snyder drives the bus and there's no shortage of bodies under it. How about the Washington Greyhounds? Niners cover 9.

Bills' tickets: Almost as good as total consciousness

Dollars and sense

Last week: 8-4 straight up, 6-6 against the line.

Totals: 104-43 straight up. 66-81 against the line.

Lock of the week: Deadbolt.

Sack Schultz update: Only two weeks left until we award the iPad and

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smoker-grill as grand prizes. Of 5,000-plus contestants, 13 are within two of the lead. I'm nine back so I need help, or to play to Tampa Bay. Mike Hodge of Perry, OK., went 14-1 last week.

Lilly's Pick: The mutt requested some personal time after picking Auburn last week to fall to 7-5.

• For previous episodes of Weekend Predictions, click here

 


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About the Author

Jeff Schultz is a general sports columnist and blogger who isn't afraid to share his opinion, which may not necessarily jibe with yours.